From eye patches to wooden legs, go no further because X marks the spot! Ye be warned, here are 70 thrilling pirate jokes. And if you still find yourself on the hunt for more buried treasure in the form of pirate-related content, mateys, read up on how to watch the Pirates of the Caribbean movies in order.
70 Best Pirate Jokes
- How do you save a dying pirate? Answer: C-P-arrrrrrr 2. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Answer: Captain Hook-y! 3. What does a pirate name his dog? Answer: The Plank. That’s why he’s always walking The Plank. 4. Why can’t the pirates fire their weapons on Saturdays? Answer: They only cannon Sundays! 5. What do you call 3.14 men out at sea? Answer: ‘Pi’-rates 6. How do ye turn a pirate furious? Answer: Take away the “p.” 7. Why is pirating so addictive? Answer: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
- Who gets all their movies for free? Answer: Pirates
- Have you heard any good pirate jokes? Neither have ayeeee. 10. What’s a pirate’s favorite music genre? Answer: Arrrrrr & B 11. How do pirates communicate? Answer: Aye to aye! 12. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook? Answer: An arm and a leg 13. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea? Answer: He got marooned. 14. How does a pirate know they’re a pirate? Answer: They think, therefore they arrrrrrr! 15. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Answer: Because they can spend years at C. 16. What do you call a pirate mutiny? Answer: A conspira-sea! 17. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? Answer: They’ll just wash up on shore later. 18. Where do pirates go for a drink? Answer: The sandbar
- How did the pirate get such a good price? Answer: He bought it on sail.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject? Answer: Arrrrrr-t
- What kind of phone does a pirate have? Answer: An aye phone
- Why are pirates always so healthy? Answer: They get such a good dose of vitamin sea. 23. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs? Answer: Right where ye left him!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite musical instrument? Answer: The guit-arrrr 25. Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? Answer: He needed a new iPatch.
- Why do pirates love binge-watching shows? Answer: They get hooked.
- Why did the captain wear a suit and tie? Answer: He had a cor-pirate meeting. 28. Pirates are great at solving math problems. They are always trying to find out where X is.
- What do you call a selfish pirate? Answer: Extremely arrrr-ogant 30. What did the pirate wear on Halloween? Answer: A pumpkin patch
- What did the pirate say about his girlfriend? Answer: “She had me at ‘Ahoy!” 32. Pirates make the best singers. They can hit the high sea notes with ease. 33. What does a pirate use a cell phone for? Answer: Booty calls
- What’s a pirate’s favorite song? Answer: No song in particular—just the hook. 35. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? Answer: A buck-an-ear
- What did the pirate Santa Claus say? Answer: Row, row, row!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite camera brand? Answer: Cannon
- Why didn’t the ammo leave the pirate’s gun? Answer: It got stuck in the barrel. 39. Why did the alcoholic pirate stop drinking? Answer: Because he’d rum out! 40. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? Answer: A rookie! 41. Why did the pirate go on vacation? Answer: He needed a little arrrr and arrr.
- Why do pirates live life to the fullest? Answer: They know how to seas the day. 43. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian? Answer: Aye matey years old!
- Why did the pirate get lost? Answer: He wasn’t shore which way to go. 45. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school? Answer: High Cs.
- Why did the pirate always regale the crew with stories of his youth? Answer: Those were his most treasured memories. 47. Why did you join a band of pirates? Answer: Pier pressure. 48. What would you call a pirate with 4 eyes? Answer: An iiiirate. 49. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate? Answer: Because he was standing on the deck. 50. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? Answer: A nervous wreck. 51. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? Answer: The plank!
- When do pirates remove the anchor? Answer: At the kraken of dawn.
- When do pirates get to eat cake? Answer: When they reach a dessert island. 54. What does a vegan pirate do in jail? Answer: St-arrrrr-ve.
- Why was the pirate sad when his parrot left? Answer: It gave him the cold shoulder! 56. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground? Answer: Because booty is only shin deep.
- Where do one-legged pirates go for brunch? Answer: IHOP! 58. Why did the pirate pull out of the stock market? Answer: He was in shark-invested waters!
- What do you call a pirate obsessed with drinking sea water? Answer: An aqua-holic 60. Where do pirates keep their valuables? Answer: In a jarrrrr 61. What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the freezer? Answer: Shiver me timbers!
- Why did the pirate want to run a marathon? Answer: He was sure his legs wood work.
- What do you call a stupid pirate? Answer: The pillage idiot
- Do pirates enjoy fighting? Answer: Sword of… 65. What did the pirate’s landlord say when he was evicted? Answer: Get out, you free-looter!
- What did the pirate want to be when he grew up? Answer: He said he always wanted to be an arrr-chitect. 67. What do you call it when two pirates call it a draw? Answer: A stale-matey! 68. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? Answer: A carrot 69. Why’d the pirate join the gym? Answer: To improve his booty
- How come you can never call a pirate? Answer: They always leave their phones off the hook. Next up, 200 funny jokes for kids and families.
